2016 has been really, really hard.
I’m not even exaggerating. Its been hard, and for completely different reasons to 2015 too. I’ve had to adapt from life in a busy city where the hustle and bustle takes you everywhere you want to go, to being in a small town where the hustle and bustle is literally a £6 bus ride away. Some things I haven’t adjusted to well I admit – an hour away for Primark? What?
I’m moving forward with my life, and as I travel the road to 30 I want to shed some of the things I have accumulated over the years.
Anxiety is obviously a big factor in shaping my year. Anxiety is something that previously, has crippled me as a person. I tried so hard to be someone I’m not, to fit in, through fear of.. Not fitting in that I lost myself totally. I struggle with people, I struggle with conversation, with confrontation and so much more. I wrote about this only a few weeks ago so I’ll keep it brief – anxiety isn’t the boss of me anymore. I’ll go as far to say, that I’m kicking its backside right now. I made myself push through the breaking point, and where I’d usually say ‘no’ and hide myself away I said ‘YES!’ and made myself uncomfortable to get to the other side.
Obviously, you can’t just switch anxiety on and off. It will always be there, biting and nibbling.. But I can identify triggering factors now, and take steps to ensure I live my life to the fullest I can. I’m done missing out on great memories because of that particular demon on my back. Goodbye, anxiety – enjoy 2016.
I’ve always been a ‘lone wolf’ type, preferring to be on the peripheral and looking in on social circles. Obviously, this ties in with the point above about my social anxiety – but with my steps taken in that I’ve found myself becoming quite a social butterfly. While that may sound conceited, it isn’t intended to be so – I just find it so surprising that people consider me worthy of their company and actually.. It feels wonderful. I’m leaving behind that old, lonely woman and pushing forward with this wonderful feeling of acceptance.
I stumbled upon a quote online that really resounds with me. I’ve had it in my head for a few weeks but I haven’t known how to get my claws into it on the blog, through fear of hurting anyone who may read it without knowing what lies behind it.
As we take our tentative steps into 2017, I think its time I shared it:
This is exactly where I’m at. The epiphany. That moment you know you have to make changes, and you have to stick with them.
I have no malice nor bitterness moving forward into 2017, but what I do have is the mind to put my gains first.
I’ve spent so long in my twenties, trying to contort myself to fit other peoples ideals that I just mentally imploded and didn’t know who I was. Thankfully, as 30 looms I do know, and I want to keep myself comfortable with being exactly who I am. I don’t need to be someone else to be liked, I don’t need to feel pressured to do things I’m not up to – the right ‘tribe’ understands. I can dress how I want to (I prefer that ‘Grandma chic’ vibe!), I can blog how I want to, I can now VLOG how I want to.. I haven’t felt this good about myself in a long, long time.
That isn’t to say everyone I’ve met has been a negative influence however. I had a lot of life lessons in 2016 as I mentioned yesterday, and I feel like a better person because of that.
People come and people go in life, it’s a constant cycle which we all go through. People we couldn’t live without can wither into people we simply can’t be around, and vice versa – people we didn’t quite click with can blossom into something wondrous. I don’t begrudge anyone I’ve shared my life with, and I wish them nothing but what makes them happy – something every being that walks this Earth deserves.
So to every soul that reads this – go out, grab 2017 by the delicates and make it YOURS!