One year ago I was working full time, attending fitness classes after work and going out with friends for a cheeky glass of Prosecco more often than we should. One year ago today I was responsible for myself, without a care in the world – selfishly splurging money on things I didn’t need on a whim. One year ago, I was just Tilly.
It seems so long ago now. Now I’m not just Tilly. I’m Mum too.
Baby Button is twelve weeks old today and as cliche as it sounds the time has absolutely flown by. The hospital, the caesarean, those first few weeks at home.. All seem so long ago. I’ve had really lonely, soul destroying low points.. Countered by some absolutely wonderful high points! Nobody can ever prepare you for the emotional rollercoaster that is parenting. In fact, emotional rollercoaster is a very deceptive term: parenting is a an all round ordeal.
Not just emotionally.
Physically. Mentally. Socially. It impacts on you and I have to admit, it impacts hard. The buzz of reaching 40 weeks and giving birth soon fades, and you find yourself holding a newborn. Late nights and early mornings take a heavy toll. You find yourself sobbing into a jar of Nutella at 4am having only had less than an hour’s broken sleep, facing a tiny person crying at you but you can’t quite interpret things just yet.
It does get better, though.
There are the moments you can’t help but let out a laugh – like the first time you get wee’d on. The moments you feel helpless as you change your baby for the fifth time and throw the wet suit onto a already colossal washing pile. The moments that the world stops and you can’t help but stare – that wonderful first social smile.
Now twelve weeks in, my little Button is sleeping better and I’m able to work with him on why he gets upset. I can tell the difference between a hungry cry and a trapped wind wail. Some things I’m still learning but that’s okay – I have a whole lifetime to learn.