I’m going to start my post with a well worn cliche; “I can’t believe 2018 has gone so quickly!”
Last time I checked, I had a foggy sleep deprived mind and it was February… Now I have a one year old and.. Well I’m still sleep deprived but maybe 2019 will be the year that Baby Button sleeps longer than two hours in a stretch. Let’s break last year down.
Me, myself & Motherhood
I began 2018 as a clumsy stay at home Mum, unsure of what to do when the baby cried and I couldn’t breastfeed properly. As I leave 2018, I’ve persevered through sleepless nights, snot, teething, and yes… We still breastfeed. More than ever actually, I’m secretly hoping he self weans otherwise it’s going to be a terrible few weeks weaning him.
Physically I’m not so bad. I’m slimmer than I ever have been (thanks for that, Doctor — it was a nice surprise!) but I put that down to still breastfeeding and not sleeping, rather than being healthy. I’m still losing a lot of hair thanks to post natal hair loss, it isn’t helped by the psoriasis on my scalp being a constant companion this year either. Admittedly I can now go days without touching my hair, I have to. I fear I might go bald otherwise. I cut a fringe in at the beginning of the year to hide bald spots caused by the hair loss, thankfully they seem to have grown out a little so I’ve begun the journey to get my hair back to its former glory. Pregnancy changed my body in ways I can’t explain — my hair won’t handle dyes anymore either, meaning I use semi permanent dye only.. A vast change to my old self.
That’s superficial however. After a pretty scary month I had a lump on my cervix examined hastily for fears it was cancerous, thankfully it isn’t and shouldn’t trouble me too much. If it does, I can opt in for surgery. I’ll be covering that in a post in the New Year in more detail — I didn’t fancy covering it in the run up to the Christmas season. Anxiety has bitten me again, which is exhausting — although I’ve been in this position before, and knew the point I needed to return to my GP and ask for a bit of a helping hand in getting it under control. I used to feel ashamed of being on medication for my anxiety, but xAmeliax has covered mental health on her channel and you know what? I don’t need to be ashamed. My brain just needs a helping hand, that’s all. You wouldn’t judge someone with a broken leg for seeking help, so why judge someone with a broken mind?
The biggest (smallest) life change
Baby Button has changed my life. Completely.
I’ve gone from someone who worked hard at her job, had a steady income and never ‘liked’ children, to someone who has chosen to stay at home and give up her financial stability to look after a baby. I have no shame in admitting that being a ‘full time Mummy’ always made my eyes roll before, I’d never be that woman. I’d never stay at home all day dealing with the baby, I’d go back to work and strive to be the crutch my family needed.
Then he arrived.
All that went out of the window, and in the seconds I first held my son I became acutely aware that I’d give up my entire world just to see him thrive — so I did. Being at home with the baby has taught me so many lessons, one of which is humility — all those times I’d judged, shamed or eye rolled at a Mum who prided herself on staying home with her baby? Now it was me, and not for one second would I change things. For someone so small, he’s already taught me lessons that as an adult, I can’t imagine being my old self now.
I’m much less of the ‘yes’ person I was before.. I’d often go along with whatever people wanted, through fear of upsetting them. Not anymore, now I have my son to consider. He’s priority, and if things don’t fit in with his life then I’ve learned to say no. I won’t get this time with him again, so nothing is more important to me.
Speaking of the little one, he’s almost walking now. He reciprocates conversation with his own flair of noises, eats like a trooper and loves helping with the chores. We haven’t been out much the last month due to various colds, bugs and viruses but that’s one of our favourite things to do together. He’s so incredibly inquisitive, I just hope his self preservation becomes a bit more important to him in the years to come!
Living in a digital world
The blog has blossomed this year. Not as much as I’d like, but I’m trying to remember I’m a parent first and foremost. That said, I’ve worked with some great brands this year such as Fabbri on the Strawberry & Prosecco Cheesecake, and Baby Led Spreads on a whole series of recipes for babies – check them out in my ‘food’ section.
Vlogging has taken a huge back seat, but it’s something I want to change in 2019. Again, I think the transition to being a Mum really impacted on being able to go to places and vlog but now he’s a little older, I’ll be able to jump in again and get our YouTube channel freshened up with some new content. This year wasn’t completely bust though, Mike vlogged his time at Bletchley Park and we did a vlog at Applejacks Farm. Not all is lost!
This year I also had a gorgeous rebrand by the wonderful Ellie Illustrates — she tells the tale of Baby Button and I during his little days wonderfully and I couldn’t be happier!
This wouldn’t be a New Years post without a few resolutions, would it? I’m not going to be doing anything too groundbreaking as I don’t want to set myself up to fail. But some manageable things do need to change and that’s what I’m aiming for.
- To cut down on my sugar consumption
- To take more photographs
- To make time for myself at least once a week
- To embrace reading more with BB, books don’t seem as tasty these days
- To go on a walk once a day
- Keep indulging in messy play
The blog and Youtube
- Aim for two new posts a week
- Have the confidence to post more food related content
- A vlog a month — at least!
I hope 2018 was as reflective for you as it was for me — here’s to the latest chapter in our lives, may it be everything we want it to be!